A man caught up in porn rarely breaks free on his own. You must begin talking about your secret problem with someone who is experienced in dealing with sexual addictions. And it helps to come clean with a few trustworthy men. There will be times when you will miss indulging in pornography so badly that the involvement of others in your life will be what keeps you centered and aware of what is really going on. Lasting transformation always involves confessing sin and struggling through life with the help of others (Galatians 6:1; James 5:16).
If your secret is exposed before you confess, you need to end the lies and own up to it. You need to admit how far it has gone and stop minimizing it. And you need to stop blaming your problem on others. Satan knows that if a man won’t take full responsibility for his own choices, he will remain a prisoner to the lie that his problem is everyone else’s fault. Like Adam, who blamed his wife and his God when he was caught in the first sin (Genesis 3:11-12), a man who points the finger of blame at everyone but himself will end up feeling trapped like a helpless victim.
Lasting transformation always involves confessing sin and struggling through life with the help of others
Admitting to having an out-of-control sexual struggle may be one of the hardest confessions you will ever make. Satan wants you to hide your struggle so he can get you alone and deceive you with lies such as “It’s not that bad” or “You’ve gone too far this time” or “You really do deserve a break.” Satan will be relentless in his attack. He will try to wear you down because he knows the power available to a child of God to resist him, and that forgiveness is only a prayer away (James 4:7; 1 John. 1:9).
Opening up to others can be risky. You need to be careful about those you confide in. You need to talk with men who are aware of their own brokenness and capacity to lust—men who won’t define you by your sin or pelt you with self-righteous stones of condemnation. You need a fellowship of men in your corner who will keep your struggle confidential and who will pray with you, challenge you, and believe in you.
Talking with a few good men requires an investment of time and heart where conversations go beyond work, sports, and other hobbies. At times, the discussions will be painfully uncomfortable. But with others involved, you will have a “band of brothers” from whom you can gain strength and who will dream with you about the man you could become for others and for Christ (1 Thessalonians 2:11-12).
