A Relational Faith
I didn’t grow up in a Christian home. In fact, I didn’t come to Christ until I was a senior in high school. A friend of mine and I decided that we would start going to our local Young Life club not because we were spiritually minded but because a lot of our friends attended the meetings—including a number of cute girls! We weren’t seeking a relationship with the Lord but with other kids our age.
The meetings were fun events, with comedy skits that made everyone laugh and songs that required lots of participation, such as stomping your feet, clapping your hands, or standing and sitting in rapid succession. We also heard testimonies from some of our friends who had come to Christ, and we were impressed with the difference they claimed he made in their lives. At the end of every meeting, a Young Life staff member gave a simple gospel presentation.
The social attraction of the meetings remained a high priority for me, but a spiritual hunger began to grow in my heart. My friend David usually took the lead in contacting me the day of the meetings and driving us to the group. But the fifth week I didn’t hear from him, so I called and asked if he intended to go that evening, especially since the group planned to meet at a central location and then drive to a theater to watch a Billy Graham movie.
I need to confess something here. At that time in my life I didn’t know who Billy Graham was. My family didn’t go to church, so I was clueless. I thought Dr. Graham was a political figure.
At any rate, my friend said he didn’t want to go to Young Life that evening, so I was faced with the first of three key choices I had to make that day, all of which had to do with relationships. I had never gone to Young Life by myself, and I was shy about going alone. So when my friend bailed on me, I almost decided to stay home. But even though it went against my natural inclinations, I got into the car and drove to the meeting.
When I arrived at our customary meeting place, everyone with a car was asked to pull up out front so that others could ride with them. I had driven in a cool Pontiac Lemans convertible, so I rolled up to the entrance feeling confident that kids would pile into it. But they didn’t. Other cars quickly filled with teenagers, but I sat there alone, embarrassed, and exposed, since I was in a convertible. I seriously considered saving face by driving out of the parking lot and going home. But instead, I chose to park my car and then asked a group of kids whether I could ride with them. To my relief, they welcomed me warmly.
After we got to the theater and took our seats, we watched a movie by the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association called The Restless Ones. During the movie I discovered that Graham wasn’t a politician after all but an evangelist who preached to huge crowds in large auditoriums or even football stadiums. The movie climaxed with one of his evangelistic crusades.
At the end of the movie, someone from the Billy Graham organization went to the front of the theater and asked whether anyone would like to come forward to receive Christ as their Lord and Savior. Frankly, I expected everyone to go forward, since this wasn’t a typical movie-going audience but rather a highly religious group of Young Life members. I didn’t realize that many of them had already received Christ and therefore didn’t need to make that spiritual decision. Like I said, I was clueless.
No one in my row stood up, and I was seated awkwardly in the middle of the row. As you know, the herding instinct is strong, and I didn’t want to go forward by myself. Although I was briefly tempted to stay in my seat, I felt a new and powerful impulse, which I now recognize as the Holy Spirit, drawing me to get up and go to the front of the theater. So for the final time that night, I went against my instincts and chose to stand up alone. Stepping over feet, popcorn, and candy wrappers, I went forward and accepted Christ.
I tell this story for one simple reason. Although we alone must make the decision to receive Christ, few people make that decision alone. Instead, they are strongly influenced by relationships with Christians in their families, at work, at church, and in other social settings. My desire for friendships preceded my hunger for Jesus Christ.
That shouldn’t surprise us. After all, from the very beginning, when God created us in his image and said, “It is not good for the man to be alone” (genesis 2:18), we’ve been relational beings—people who need not only God but also each other in order to fulfill his purposes for our lives. As we will see throughout this booklet, relationships are the key to effective evangelism.
Created for Community
In John 17, Jesus makes a very special request to the Father about his disciples and their future impact on the world:
My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one—I in them and you in me—so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me (vv. 20–23).
In this prayer, known as Jesus’s High Priestly Prayer, Christ prays for the unity of those who believe in him throughout the ages. But the kind of unity he requests is far beyond anything normally experienced here on Earth. Jesus asks that we might experience the same level of unity that he and the Father have known throughout eternity, a unity that can only be described by stretching the boundaries of human language: “Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us . . . .”
We don’t usually speak this way. What does it mean to be “in” each other? I believe Jesus is using the language of extreme unity and intimacy. Let me illustrate what I think he means.
A hug is a normal human way to express intimacy. Through a hug we can get very close to the other person, but we are still limited by physical restrictions. When a man and woman get married, the Bible says the two of them become one flesh, which is far more intimate than a hug, but there are still physical boundaries that limit how close we can get.
But when two spirits unite, there are no physical boundaries. Paul writes, “Whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit” (1 corinthians 6:17). Because spirits do not have physical boundaries, they can actually merge into one without losing their identity. Jesus asks the Father to grant us that kind of mutual indwelling, so that we might experience the holy, intimate, and loving relationship with God and each other that the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit have known throughout eternity. Of course, we do not become God; but we do become one with God and other Christians.
Anyone who has been a Christian for any length of time knows that this kind of unity doesn’t come naturally. Sin has turned the great commandments about loving God and our neighbors on their head, so that instead of being God-centered and other centered, we have become self-centered. In other words, sin results in the breakdown of both our divine and human relationships making us incapable of loving the way God intended.
Just watch the evening news, and you’ll see the full impact of how sin has fractured human relationships on a global scale. We see not only scenes of war but also of terrorism, racism, and senseless killings. Families are torn apart through unfaithfulness and divorce.
Author William Mahedy worked closely with college students, many of whom experienced the trauma of abandonment due to divorce, psychological abuse as children, and sexual exploitation. He believed these and other similar factors are responsible for “the widespread problems with stability, self-image, feelings of emptiness, depression, suicidal thinking, fear of the future, and lack of hope among the young.” He wrote:
Abandonment is the fundamental component of these disorders . . . the young have been abandoned by parents, loved ones, teachers, political leaders, even the culture itself. No one is really “there” for them now. . . . More than any of their predecessors, they have been since birth a generation alone.”
Although we wish that Christian churches were exempt from such damaged relationships, that simply isn’t the case. According to the two-volume World Christian Encyclopedia, there are approximately 33,000 Christian denominations in the world today. In most cases new denominations begin when one group splits from the old as a result of painful disputes over various doctrines, practices, sacraments, and a myriad of other factors. This global level of fragmentation is the complete opposite of what Jesus prays for in John 17!
But Jesus knows that he isn’t praying in vain. True unity requires not only the forgiveness of sins but also the inner transformation of the Holy Spirit—the same Spirit that Jesus promised his disciples immediately before his John 17 prayer: “I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever—the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you” (john 14:16–17).
Of course, when the Spirit comes to live within us, we aren’t instantaneously transformed from being self-centered to being God and other-centered. Instead, the process begins at conversion and continues throughout our Christian lives until the Lord returns. But just because our unity is imperfect and incomplete does not mean it isn’t real.
In every church I’ve attended, people have demonstrated many of the qualities of unity Jesus desires. When someone in the congregation is sick, they pray for them, visit them in the hospital or at home, and prepare meals for them. When someone needs financial assistance, they are given money from the benevolent fund. When young couples are expecting a child, the women organize a baby shower. Those facing an emotional crisis are offered Christian counseling. When a loved one dies, the church surrounds the family with tender care.
But the unity seen in these churches isn’t just for special situations. In many churches today, small groups have become a vital component for building unity with other Christians. My wife and I have developed some of our closest friendships with the members of our small group. One of our groups met together for over ten years. We studied the Bible together, went on fun outings as a group, and supported each other in countless ways during our child-rearing years.
Jesus claims that this kind of love and unity can have an astounding impact on our evangelism. He says that when the world observes that we are “one,” then they will believe that Jesus was truly sent by the Father. The late Francis Schaeffer (1912–1984) called this “the final apologetic,” meaning the ultimate proof that Jesus really is God’s Son and the Savior of the world. While Jesus was on earth, he performed many miracles that demonstrated he was sent from God as the Savior of the world. He healed the sick, fed over five thousand people with a few loaves and fish, gave sight to the blind, and ultimately was raised from the dead. But what about today? What is the best way to convince our friends and loved ones that the gospel is true? According to Jesus, our love and unity are the modern-day miracles people need to see in action.
Christians often paraphrase Blaise Pascal (1623–1662), who claimed that we have a God-shaped hole in our hearts that only the Lord can fill. And Pascal was right. But that’s only half the story. We also have a human-shaped hole in our hearts that craves the kind of love and intimacy that Jesus describes in John 17. Dr. Larry Crabb tells us, “Community matters. That’s about like saying oxygen matters. As our lungs require air, so our souls require what only community provides. We were designed . . . to live in relationship.”
So when unbelievers see Christians experiencing loving relationships that transcend what the world can offer, many want this kind of relationship for themselves. At first they may not even realize the depth of their longing, wrongly imagining that they only desire loving friendships. But as they are invited into a caring, accepting community of Christians, some eventually realize that our love for each other flows from our union with Jesus Christ, and that he alone can heal our broken and fractured relationships. At that moment of realization, when a non-Christians turns his or her eyes upward toward the source of our unity, Jesus’s words become true in that person’s life: “Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me” (john 17:23).
In order for our evangelism to be effective, we must join together what some evangelistic techniques have separated. We must not only share the gospel message verbally, but also demonstrate the miraculous effects of the gospel in creating loving Christian community—the kind of community that non-Christians crave as much as we do.
The Power of Christian Community
Many churches have discovered the power Christian community can have in reaching those who don’t know Jesus Christ. For example, a pastor friend of mine moved to Texas several years ago to start a church that focused on reaching non-Christians in the city of Austin. From the beginning the church has had two messages. The first is, “Come as you are.” Every week their bulletin has this printed message:
Gateway is a COME AS YOU ARE kind of church—a community of imperfect people doing life together, becoming all that God created us to be. We don’t care who you voted for, what your tax bracket may be, or what your zip code is. Whether you’ve had a relationship with God your whole life or you’re not even sure He exists, we’re glad to meet you where you are. Bring your questions, doubts, fears and hurts—no need to leave anything at the door.
Many in Austin—especially those in their twenties and thirties—took this invitation seriously. On any Sunday you could see an amazing diversity of people in the church: bikers, hard-rockers, Goths, and gays alongside straights, politicians, business owners, and high-techies. But some traditional churchgoers were offended by the more radical element, feeling they were not the sort of crowd they wanted to associate with. The pastor reminded them that the Pharisees felt the same way about the “tax collectors and sinners” who flocked to Jesus! As their church bulletin says:
We want to help you connect with others who live near you, share your interests or happen to be in a similar life stage, largely because we encourage you to come as you are, BUT DON’T STAY AS YOU ARE. By getting to know others who are also seeking to know God, you can learn to experience life to the fullest, be more of who God created you to be, and learn to love God and others more deeply. We believe lasting life change happens in community with others. Together. Not perfectly, but intentionally.
The second message the church offered the Austin community was “No perfect people allowed.” The pastor and church leaders realized that everyone sins and falls short of God’s glory, and therefore everyone should be welcomed. Non-Christians are invited not only to attend church but also to join small groups, participate in service projects, and attend support or recovery groups. They become part of the church community, and many experience a degree of love, hospitality, acceptance, and caring that they have not known previously.
The pastor invited me to meet with several church members in order to hear their testimonies. Laura’s story was typical of what I heard that day. “It amazed me,” she said, “that I never felt judged for dreadlocks, looked down upon for being well below the poverty level, or shoved aside for coming to church reeking of cigarette smoke. I felt drawn to this community, yet torn by associating with a group my friends hated.” When the porch on her home collapsed, a group from the church took up a collection and then spent three weeks building her a new one. When the clutch on her car broke, the Benevolence Ministry made sure it was fixed. A couple named Jeremy and Susan invited Laura to share Christmas dinner with them. She writes:
Through seeing people love me I began to see the truth of what God is like. I wanted to be like that and give other people the same experience. I started to really believe what one person said to me, that I had a God-shaped void in my life and that only Jesus could really make me whole again. . . . So now I’m a Christ-follower. I want to do God’s will, and I call myself a Christian. Now that I have found peace, I realize that peace doesn’t come in a pipe. Now that I’ve found community, I see that real community comes through Christ. Community is like salve on the wound of humanity because we were built to be interdependent on each other. Now I’m part of a real community, the kind I was searching for all along, and we’re changing the world . . . one life at a time.
Jim and Shelly met at Gateway after she had experienced a painful, failed marriage. Eventually, they married and began rebuilding their lives together in the context of a loving small group. Over time, they experienced the impact of the kind of unity Jesus prays for in John 17. Jim writes:
It wasn’t until after we were married and began to go through trial after trial that we really began to learn that Gateway people aren’t just quirky and fun, they live what they believe. They put shoes on the gospel so that they might literally love you through good times and bad. In some of our worst moments—losing my job, losing our baby, and suffering a never-ending custody battle, Gateway people came through for us in practical ways. People drove four hundred miles to testify on our behalf. They loaned us their mobile phones when our phones were turned off. They brought us food, money, and checked on our home while we were gone. So many people attend church each week and sit next to people they will never ever know, much less care for. Who cares if you have memorized the entire canon of Scripture if you have never lived out the ideas themselves? Thanks for being Christ to us.
In the years since I became aware of Gateway Church, weekly attendance has grown to over four thousand people. But it’s not the size of the growth that is amazing but rather the way it has happened. Over 60 percent of those who attend Gateway have either received Christ through its ministry or have moved from a nominal faith to a committed relationship with the Lord. That’s far beyond what most churches experience. One study found that a typical church—regardless of denomination—has only four converts for every one hundred church members. Clearly, Gateway’s emphasis on community-based evangelism, and an other-centered lifestyle, has made a profound difference!
Living in Community
Gateway’s experience is far from unique. Several years ago, while I was an editor at a Christian publishing house, I met a pastor who was an aspiring author. He told me that his church had experienced dramatic growth as a result of their focus on biblical community, and he hoped to write a book about their experience. He invited me to visit his church to see what God had accomplished.
When I arrived, the first thing the pastor did was to drive me around his neighborhood. I cannot recall his exact words, but I remember being very impressed with how well he knew his neighbors. As we drove up one street and down the next, he told me the names of the families who lived in each home. Some were already Christians when the pastor and his wife purchased their home. Many others had come to Christ and joined the church as a result of the lives and testimonies of their Christian neighbors. And still others were interested in the gospel and were seriously considering receiving Christ. I had never seen such an effective neighborhood outreach and asked him how it had happened.
He explained that when he and his wife first purchased their home, they discovered a handful of other couples from their church living in their neighborhood. They all agreed to form what they called a “home group” that would meet regularly in the members’ homes with a focus on fellowship, prayer, recreation, and neighbor outreach. In many respects their home group was similar to small groups that meet in churches throughout the world. But because each of the members lived in the same neighborhood, they found it easier to get to know and serve each other on a daily basis, rather than simply once a week. As they grew closer to each other and experienced the other-centered unity described in John 17, their group also began to invite non-Christians in the neighborhood to join their gatherings. The pastor writes:
We have made the task of evangelism a high priority for our Home Groups. We call it community evangelism, and it is as effective as any method I’ve seen. Members of the Home Group pray for and connect with those in their area who are unchurched or non-Christians—as well as with Christians in their neighborhood who attend other churches.
In the natural flow of everyday life, a member of the Home Group will often invite one other family in the Home Group and a new neighbor over for a barbecue or invite them to go out for dinner. In our neighborhood the men of the Home Group get together to play basketball every Wednesday evening. This is a great opportunity to invite other men to join us and get to know each other. When the time is right, the Home Group member will usually invite these men either to a worship service or to a Community Group or Home Group gathering. . . . We know that if non-Christians can see true Christian community—bathed in love and compassion—being lived out in a neighborhood, they will be drawn to the God whose grace and power undergirds it all.
Some individuals drawn to a genuinely loving church may not fit the category of unchurched. They may come from the church itself. One man from their neighborhood describes how his life has been changed by community evangelism. Although he is still at a point where he misunderstands God’s grace and the gift of salvation, he is drawn to what is happening at the church through its home groups.
Throughout my entire life I’ve had a casual attitude about attending church. However, I have led what I would consider a moral life. Recently, my neighbors invited me to attend their church and their Home Group, which meets in the neighborhood. What I realized is I’ve only been going through the motions of being a Christian—there is more to it! Home Group consists of people extending their families into the community to talk, study, play, and portray their Christianity to all. They seem to have found a special peace. Home Group has welcomed me unconditionally and has been a constant encouragement through discussion and providing resource material to help in my search. Their support . . . has been amazing.
Evangelism in the Twenty-first Century
Today we live in an increasingly fragmented society where true friendships are difficult to find. George Gallup Jr., describes our isolation when he writes: “We are physically detached from each other. We change places of residence frequently. One survey revealed that seven in ten do not know their neighbors. As many as one-third of Americans admit to frequent periods of loneliness, which is a key factor in the high suicide rate among the elderly.”
If we are to reach today’s generations with the gospel, we must invite them to experience the love and unity that only Jesus Christ can bring. In this section, we’ll look at some practical ways of doing this.
Understand that evangelism must be a team effort. Many Christians feel the pressure of having to share their faith one-on-one with non-Christians. But Jesus never intended for us to be isolated in our efforts to reach others. One of the best things we can do is to introduce our non-Christian friends to other believers. Pastor John Burke writes, “In today’s post-Christian context, people often need the intersection of three elements in order to find faith and become the church:
- A friendship with someone who truly acts like Jesus—listening, caring, serving, and talking openly about faith in a non-pressuring way.
- Relationship with a ‘tribe’ of four to five other Christians whom they enjoy hanging out with and who make them feel like they truly belong.
- A ‘come as you are’ learning environment where they can learn, usually for six to eighteen months, about the way of Jesus.”
Invite non-Christians to your small group. In many churches today, small groups have become a vital component for providing fellowship with other Christians. Unfortunately, most small groups today are limited to believers, and the thought of inviting a non-Christian friend or neighbor seems inappropriate. That’s unfortunate. What better context could there be for allowing unbelievers to see the love and unity we experience as we pray together and care for each other’s daily needs?
But the members of your small group must realize that some non-Christians may express doubts about the Bible, use language that is offensive, or step outside briefly to smoke a cigarette. If we are to provide a “come as you are” learning environment, then we must not expect unbelievers to act like believers.
Invite them to your church. If you aren’t part of a small group—or even if you are—you should consider inviting your non-Christian friends to church. Many church services include a simple presentation of the gospel, and sermons focus on showing how the Bible relates to our daily lives in practical ways. Not long ago, a pastor invited me to join him for lunch with a woman who was a former lesbian. She told me that she first came to his church when she learned he would be preaching a seven-week sermon on sexuality. What really caught her attention was that the final week of the series was devoted to same-sex relationships. The woman couldn’t believe that a church would actually discuss such issues, and she decided to attend the entire series. Not only were many of her questions answered, but also she was surprised and delighted that people welcomed and accepted her. A few months later, she became a Christian and eventually joined the staff of the church, focusing her ministry on those who struggle with their sexuality.
Participate with other Christians in church service projects. Many churches today offer service opportunities to the surrounding community that small groups and Sunday-school classes can participate in. One church lists the following service projects on their website:
Host a refugee family: Assist refugees in acclimating to life here by helping them navigate the bus system and learning how to grocery shop! Consider volunteering through any number of organizations.
Tutoring: Every Monday night elementary-aged children gather at the Capitol Village apartments to receive help with homework and school projects. Volunteers are needed to help provide assistance and aid to these children! There is also need for 1-1 tutoring throughout the week based on availability.
Paper ministry: Resettled refugees have come to know the US as the “Paper Nation” as the list of paperwork they need to complete seems unending! Two Thursdays a month, refugees and volunteers gather at the Timber Apartments on Clayton Lane to collectively fill out the forms and applications needed to get by. Consider volunteering today!
Giving tree: Every Christmas season our church provides gifts, coats and household items for the refugee communities. Volunteers are needed on a seasonal basis to help with the coordinating and execution of the Giving Tree, as well as with the wrapping and delivering of gifts.
As you seek to “love your neighbor as yourself” alongside other concerned Christians, people in your community will receive both material and spiritual benefits. They will discover that followers of Christ not only love each other but also those in need. Throughout history, many people have become open to the gospel message only after seeing Christ’s love in action through his body, the church. As Jesus said, “Let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven” (matthew 5:16).
