God’s Original Design for Desire
Everything has a design—from the veins of a leaf to the mane of a horse, from a computer chip to Chicago’s Sears Tower, from a child’s toy to a supercharged Thunderbird. Everything has a design, a time, a place, and a purpose. Everything demonstrates the existence of a creative mind behind the design. The same is true for human sexuality. It is the product of an all-wise, life-giving Designer.
According to Genesis 1:26–28, after God made the world, its plants, its animals, and its seasons, he said: “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.” So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.”
Genesis 2 expands on the origin of our gender and sexuality. In a second and more specific account, Moses told us that after creating Adam, God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone” (v. 18). So from a rib of Adam’s own flesh the Lord made a woman. Then Moses concluded: “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame” (Genesis 2:24–25).
The Genesis account of God’s design makes it clear that sexuality comes from God. In the beginning, gender was a precious gift from the Maker. Man and woman were the crown of creation. Together they possessed complementing sexual identities that enabled them to be good for one another. In marriage their complementing genders were designed to provide a basis not only for companionship but also for the mutual pleasures of a shared physical sexuality and oneness. Outside of marriage, man and woman were created to enrich one another by the social blending of their masculine and feminine similarities and differences. God created them to give to one another the richness of personality and relationship that is missing in all-men or all-women gatherings.
Everything has a design, a time, a place, and a purpose. Everything demonstrates the existence of a creative mind behind the design.
Genesis also shows us that while man and woman were made somewhat different from one another, they both were made very different from the animals. As a result, Moses’ view of the sexes differs significantly from secular evolutionary theory. The naturalistic philosophy that has shaped so much of current education suggests that there is no deep-rooted distinction between man and animal.
With decades of naturalistic, evolutionary theory built into our educational system, it is understandable that our generation would defend its sexual choices by citing occurrences of homosexual or multiple-partner sexual relationships among the animal world. We often hear, “Sex is natural and beautiful. Look at the animals. They show us that we don’t have to be so uptight about freely expressing our sexual desires, whatever they might be.”
Moses showed us, however, that even though we share with the animals a common Creator, we are not animals. Unlike the creatures of the animal world, we were created in the image of our Creator. Furthermore, God designed the human sexual relationship to fill the earth with his own likeness through every child that is born.
It is this God-likeness that is so violated when men and women view one another as sexual objects rather than as whole persons with shared needs, dreams, and destinies. There is something dehumanizing about a kind of sexual ethic that views others merely for the physical, sexual pleasure their bodies offer. It’s degrading to value one another for “parts” that quickly age and lose their appeal. It is far more dignifying to see every man and woman as a whole person who needs not to be exploited and defrauded for someone else’s sexual pleasure, but to be honored, loved, appreciated, and enjoyed as an entire whole person. The truth is that God designed human beings for desires that are far higher than sexual self-indulgence.
The Recovery of God’s Design
Dealing with our sexuality in a way that is consistent with God’s design is not easy. But with our Lord’s help and with the help of safe friends who will confidentially share our pain and hold us accountable, it is possible. Several steps can begin to replace the dehumanizing patterns exposed in Ephesians 4:17–19.
Acknowledge That We Are Designed for Desire
God does not want us to deny our desires. Desire is not the enemy. It is what God uses to bring us to Himself. David implied this when he wrote: “Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart” (Psalm 37:4).
This doesn’t mean that if we delight in God we will get whatever we want. It does mean, however, that God is so good, so loving, so powerful, so close to us, and so committed to our eventual well-being, that He can satisfy the deepest longings of our heart.
C. S. Lewis in his book The Weight of Glory makes this point when he writes: “It would seem that our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are halfhearted creatures, fooling around with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased” (pp. 1–2).
Honestly Face the Dark Side of Desire
Sexual struggles are far more than skin-deep. The problem is not just out-of-control hormonal urges that can be brought back into line with exhortation and rigid self-discipline. Sexual immorality emerges from the dark and depraved regions of our human heart that refuse to trust the heart of the God who made us.
Humility is needed if we are to honestly face the arrogance behind our determination to find life outside of God and his ways. If we are willing to humble ourselves before Him and confess our rebellion against Him, He will extend grace and mercy to sustain us as we reel from the shame of sexual indiscretion (James 4:6). He desires to draw us to himself so that we can sort through the mess together, in his presence, rather than alone by ourselves. rid us of our determination to survive on our own.
The problem is not just out-of-control hormonal urges that can be brought back into line with exhortation and rigid self-discipline.
Living by God’s Design
The apostle Paul wrote: “Offer yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer every part of yourself to him as an instrument of righteousness” (Romans 6:13). These words reflect a call to use all that we are, including our bodies, to join God in putting right all that has gone wrong in the world.
We can actually be a part of pushing back the kingdom of darkness when we refuse to indulge in sexual immorality and live by God’s design for sexuality. Saying no to immoral sexual pleasure is a way to say yes to the promise of God’s new life and “no” to a thief whose chief purpose is to rob us of the joy of living for the one who made us (see John 10:10).
Make love your goal
Whether we are married or single, a love for God and his purposes must become far more important to us than the pursuit of sexual pleasure. We will become more resistant to the allure of sexual temptation when we intentionally focus our energy on passionately loving him and advancing his kingdom through sacrificially serving others.
The man or woman who seeks first the kingdom of God will not want to defraud another person sexually. Love—the heartbeat of God’s restored world—won’t let that happen. Genuinely seeking the good of others, even if it causes us to suffer, produces an overriding desire.
Sexual passion is very strong, but it can be bridled by a passionate desire to follow Christ’s example of sacrificial love that is more than mere dutiful compliance to the letter of the law. A deeply felt hunger and thirst for God and the way of his kingdom can help us to see one another through his eyes rather than through the self-absorbed demands of blind desire.
This is desire as it was originally intended. Where such love exists, men and women do not use and defraud one another of that which is not theirs to give or receive. Certainly, such love will always be imperfect until Jesus returns. But to the extent that this love exists, it will redirect our hearts to the kind of selfless passion for which our God has designed us.
But what if, in spite of our desire to follow Christ, we still long for the sexual intimacy of a marital relationship? What if we are struggling with the thought that God may not give us a husband or wife? Then we need to bring our legitimate desires and disappointment, and even feelings of despair to God.
Sexual passion is very strong, but it can be bridled by a passionate desire to follow Christ’s example of sacrificial love that is more than mere dutiful compliance to the letter of the law.
This is what Jesus modeled in the Garden of Gethsemane. When faced with the prospect of dying a horrible death, he didn’t merely repress his fears, put on a fake smile and try to act like everything was “okay.” With great intensity he struggled with his longings to avoid the cross. With great honesty he pleaded with the Father to let him avoid the coming agony. But he stayed and struggled in the garden until he was able to say, “Yet not my will, but yours be done” (Luke 22:42).
Pleasure and passion for life will be rediscovered not by forcing others to forget put the hurt behind them, but by showing others the transformation that God has made in you. This includes asking those you’ve hurt what they need to heal, and doing whatever you can to make it happen. You will continue to grow and change as you become more concerned about the pain others feel than about your own immediate relief.
This is the path of real, sacrificial love. This is the path that allows us to walk with the One who lived not for himself and not for the moment, but for us—and for a greater purpose of His Father’s kingdom. This is the path that shows the highest sense in which we have been designed for desire.
