Sexual abuse is one of the few crimes that brings more shame to the victim than to the offender. It steals innocence and self-respect and often silences victims so that they don’t seek help. The wounds and struggles that follow can be as painful as the original abuse. Many victims feel alone, confused, and depressed, and may even question their own sanity.
If you have been sexually abused, or if you know someone struggling with abuse or its aftermath, Dr. Dan Allender introduces a process of restoration filled with hope and help. Some of what follows may be difficult to accept and will undoubtedly take a long time to work through. But as we will see, the pain of understanding and healing is far better than the pain of denial and despair.
The Problem of Sexual Abuse
Jen numbly raised her head and stared absently out the window. Another news account about a sex-abuse scandal—this one at a church, no less—had aggravated the deep, decades-old scars hidden on the walls of her soul. She grieved for the victims—innocent children now left to deal with a lifetime of confusion, rage, betrayal, and misplaced guilt.
Would they grow up to feel hopeless and all alone? she wondered. All alone, just like me? Will they ever find hope? Will I?
For true healing to take place, we must understand the nature of sexual offenses and the ongoing damage.
Sexual Abuse Defined Sexual abuse occurs when an adult or a more powerful person misuses a vulnerable child or adolescent for their own sexual pleasure.
Sexual abuse is much broader than forced, unforced, or simulated intercourse. It includes any physical contact such as touching, rubbing, or patting that is meant to sexually arouse the offender. It may also involve visual, verbal, or emotional interaction where there is no physical contact.
Visual sexual abuse may involve exposing victims to pornography, watching them take a shower, or compelling them to watch other sexually provocative scenes such as masturbation, intercourse, or people in various states of undress.
Verbal sexual abuse is any attempt to seduce or shame a child by the use of sexual or suggestive words, including talking to victims about sexual scenes or referring to a child by sexual body parts.
Emotional sexual abuse includes interactions where a child is invited to play the role of an adult spouse, confidant, or counselor. For example, a mother who confides in her teenage son about her sexual frustrations with his father, or a father who showers his daughter with a level of attention and connection that he ought to be giving or receiving from his wife, can cause the same kind of damage even though there is no actual contact.
The Extent of Sexual Abuse
Sexual abuse is an epidemic. The true extent is difficult to determine because so many victims do not speak of the abuse. When using a narrow definition of sexual abuse, one in three females will be victims of sexually abusive contact by the age of 18. If the definition of abuse is broadened to involve visual, verbal, or emotional interaction, the numbers increase substantially.
Males are even more reluctant to admit victimization. Nonetheless, research suggests that one in six males experience physical sexual abuse before the age of 18. Some studies indicate that the figure may be as high as one in three males when noncontact experiences are included.
The Damage of Sexual Abuse
Victims of sexual abuse often wonder how past events can still be so damaging today. The damage of the past is not erased by time. This is similar to a broken arm that is not properly treated—it will mend, but not correctly. Time may diminish the pain of the memories, but it will not heal the wound. Sexual abuse causes victims to feel powerless, betrayed, and conflicted. Attention must be given to the damage inflicted before real restoration can take place.
The Effects of Feeling Powerless. Abusers possess power over their victims in one form or another. Often they have a position of authority. Victims are usually physically smaller than their abusers and feel unable to stop the abuse. Many are threatened with physical or emotional harm against them or someone they love. To the victim, there doesn’t seem to be any way out.
Sexual abuse intensifies powerless feelings that may already exist. Many victims feel powerless even before they are abused, trying unsuccessfully to change the unhappy dynamics of their family. Such victims may feel it is their duty to make a parent less anxious or angry or to reduce some conflict in their home.
Victims may feel powerless long after the abuse. Efforts to deny that the abuse occurred, or to minimize or dull the physical and emotional pain suffered, may have worked for a time but the hurt still remains.
Lingering feelings of powerlessness before, during, and after the abuse can result in extreme efforts to control one’s own life. Some victims vow never to be powerless again, so they become self-sufficient, domineering, and intimidating. Others live under a constant pressure to be perfect and to avoid disappointing others. Failure to live up to such impossible expectations leads to exhaustion and greater feelings of helplessness.
A sense of powerlessness eventually causes many victims to feel chronic doubt. “What’s wrong with me? Why could I not stop the abuse? Why can’t I make the pain go away?” These self-incriminating questions burrow deep inside the heart and linger like festering sores.
Doubt often leads victims to despair and deadness. When nothing they do seems to make a difference, many lose hope. They adopt a “why bother” attitude of depression. It seems easier to stop trying and shut down inside.
Victims who shut down and stop caring lose the capacity to feel pain. Without an awareness of pain, they are unable to sense danger and make good judgments. The ability to know who to trust is compromised. They lack the wisdom to learn when to say “no,” or to rightly protest and draw lines to prevent potential harm. All of this can lead to revictimization, where victims fall into unhealthy relationships and are used again.
The Effects of Feeling Betrayed. In most cases (89 percent), the offender is either a relative or a person known to the victim. The typical abuser will “set up” the child for a period of time prior to the actual abuse. He may give the child special favors or fill an unmet need for attention to form a bond of intimacy. The bond is then deepened by physical touch and playful involvement. When physical touch crosses the line between appropriate and nonsexual to inappropriate and sexual, it may seem like a natural and acceptable transition—a transition supposedly desired by the victim.
The betrayal of setup and abuse is profound. The offender uses the natural, God-given desire for love as the bait for soul-destroying abuse. The victim is unable to see or stop the setup. In most cases, the seduction process is so subtle and effective that the victim feels responsible to some degree.
The abuser’s betrayal affects victims in at least two ways. First, they develop a hatred for their own God-given desire for intimacy. One man who was abused by his pastor as a child said, “If I had not had such a hunger for love, I never would have been so vulnerable.” He didn’t blame the perpetrator as much as he did his natural desire for love. This is common. Abuse victims see their longing for relationship as selfish or weak. Many abuse victims feel more comfortable in relationships where their God-given longings are ignored or shamed. As a result, they repress their legitimate desire for tenderness and compassion and seek emotionally detached relationships.
A second effect of betrayal is that sexual abuse victims become suspicious of anyone who offers them love. It may not make sense at first, but the victim is likely to be more suspicious of those who are kind, gentle, and loving than those who are detached, exploitative, and selfish. The more a person cares, the more it seems like another setup.
The tragedy for many abused women is that the fear of intimacy intensifies in the presence of a trustworthy person and decreases with a person who is unwilling to offer true love. One woman gravitated to men who were aloof and seductive. She had a date with a man who was kind and attentive and found him boring. What she called boring was, in fact, trustworthiness, and what she viewed as exciting was a disregard for love. A person you know you can’t trust will never disappoint your heart like someone who draws forth true desire. Sexual abuse implants the lie that victims can neither trust their God-given longings to be cared for nor can they trust people who are warm and compassionate.
Another form of betrayal can be committed by “non-offending” parents. In many cases, a parent who knows or should know about the abuse chooses to deny or ignore the evidence. One mother walked through the bedroom where an older cousin (16) and her daughter (10) were together in bed under the sheets. She said nothing. Several weeks later she scolded her daughter, “Nothing better have happened in bed with your cousin. Don’t you do that again!” Her mother’s failure to intervene and comfort was as severe a betrayal as the original abuse.
Many parents may not know about the abuse, but they might see a sudden change in character, moodiness, depression, rebellious behavior, hypersexual interest, and/or repetitive masturbation. The failure to suspect or pursue the signs of a problem is a significant failure to protect, which causes suspicion of all caregivers—including God.
The Effects of Feeling Conflicted. The damage from powerlessness and betrayal is awful enough. But the flood of conflicting feelings over being sexually abused wounds our hearts even further. The reasons for this damage are complex.
Sexual contact or interaction naturally draws pleasure from the body and the soul, even when it occurs in an exploitative and perverse context. This massive contradiction is an important point. On the one side, the abusive events may have brought feelings of emotional and sexual pleasure to the victim. The arousal seemed good and may have been the only attention and intimacy available. Yet the violation felt painful, scary, and demeaning. The hurt and hatred over being used are at odds with the feelings of pleasure and the joy of being wanted.
Liking and hating an experience at the same time creates a perfect storm of confusion and shame in the heart of an abuse victim. The contradictory feelings are more than any child can bear. Unable to separate their natural longing for love from the sexual pleasure exploited by their abuser, sexual abuse creates in the victim’s mind a tragic and untrue link between love and sex. For many victims, sexual pleasure equals love.
The mixed feelings surrounding sexual abuse also generate intense feelings of shame. Some of the shame arises from the question, “What would people think about me if they knew I experienced any, even the smallest degree, of pleasure while being abused?” Most people fear that if it were known, they would be further blamed for the abuse. In fact, most offenders will use words to make their victims feel like willing participants: “You can’t blame me. You didn’t complain or stop me. You enjoyed what I did to you and what I asked you to do to me.”
Abuse victims bear such deep shame that they may go through periods of sexual promiscuity. As shameful as it is to be used, promiscuity helps them avoid feeling the greater shame of abuse. Others go in a different direction and learn to despise sex in an attempt to subdue past shame.
Most victims tend to view feelings of pleasure as dangerous, so they avoid or limit such feelings. Many can only laugh or enjoy something up to a point before they shut down. They simply can’t allow themselves to enjoy anything that will take them back to the pleasure they experienced when they were abused.
For example, a woman who served as the organizer of a food bank at her church was publicly commended by the pastor for her ministry. After the service he came over and warmly told her how much he appreciated her. Instead of enjoying the pleasure of his compliment, she was stiff and civil in her response. Later she felt dirty and afraid. She was flooded with sexual images and feelings. She tried to stop the thoughts but felt overwhelmed. The only way she could quit was by masturbating. She was then consumed by feelings of self-contempt, guilt, and confusion. Her “cure” for the inner storm was to numb herself with an hour of Bible reading and a rampage of cleaning up the house. She viewed herself as “dangerous” when she was in the presence of a kind man. Her solution was never to get too close to anyone. And when she had sexual feelings, she ran as far and as fast as she could and hid behind her stiff civility. The result was safety, but she was left with a dead, empty protection that decreased her passion for God and for others.
The damage from sexual abuse is tragic and settles deep into the soul of the victim. The evil one wants victims to believe the lie that they will live out their days bound to the past, often detached, always triggered, and constantly living under a shadow of shame. But the God of hope and restoration offers a path to freedom and healing.
The Healing Process
Following Jesus involves a process similar to the renovation of a grand old estate that has been run down, trashed, and vandalized. Its previous owner may have destroyed its beauty, but the new Owner intends to renew the estate’s former glory. We must do more than merely deed the property back to Him. The new Owner must be allowed to clean out, repair, redecorate, and live in every room—even those we would rather keep Him out of.
The fact that we give our lives back to God does not mean that every room is immediately restored and beautiful. It is possible either to refuse to allow God to work on certain rooms or to be unaware that a secret room might exist that requires His attention.
Since it is our Creator’s desire to do this work in us, it comforts us to know that we don’t have to figure out how to fix all the damage. God will, in time, finish the good work He has begun in us (phil. 1:6). In the meantime, we need to realize that God’s purpose is to have a relationship of trust and love with us. So He asks us to be involved with Him in our restoration.
Learning to trust God through the havoc created by sexual abuse is a lifelong process. He asks us to let Him bring about healing by facing truth, embracing sorrow, choosing surrender, and pursuing love.
Finding Hope by Facing Truth
When God counsels His hurting children, He gently leads them out of their denial. Jesus said, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” (john 8:31-32).
A disciple is a learner and a follower. Jesus describes a hopeful path to freedom that is much more than merely trusting Him in a moment of salvation. He leads us into a process of truth that can free us from the bondage of our powerlessness, betrayal, and conflicted feelings.
Abuse victims have an especially difficult time coming to terms with the truth. Many have learned to live with their past by consciously or unconsciously pushing the abuse and pain from their memory. Denial is one of the chief means for surviving. Many victims find a crack in the wall to concentrate on during the abuse or learn to “leave their body” and soar away to a more pleasant place. Some develop multiple personalities in which to hide.
Learned patterns of dissociation often carry into later life. Many make excuses for the perpetrator or the non-offending parent(s). “It wasn’t his fault. I’m sure I did something to lead him on.” Or, “I know my mother would have protected me, if she only knew.”
Sometimes the memory of the event is vague because it was suppressed. Facing the truth about past abuse begins when a person admits, “Yes, I was abused, and the one who hurt me took something away I can never get back.” If there is evidence of present trauma and significant periods of blocked-out memory, the person could say, “I cannot remember the specifics, but I have reason to believe that my emotional problems are at least in part the result of a traumatic experience in my past.” When we are willing to face the truth, God will, in time, begin to bring back to memory all that we need to recall.
A second part of facing the truth involves honestly admitting the devastating effects of the abuse. We don’t help ourselves by living in the darkness of denial. We must admit honestly the effects of the abuse. We find help by reading other resources, attending seminars, and seeking wise counseling. This can help us gain more understanding about what abuse does to our hearts and how and where it continues to trigger strong reactions in us today. It is crucial to share what we are experiencing with a trained pastor or counselor who can help us explore what happened and its continuing effects.
A third element in facing the truth of sexual abuse requires victims to be honest about the ways they have tried to protect themselves from further harm. To manage their pain, most victims discover countless ways to guard their hearts from the horror of their powerlessness, betrayal, and conflicted feelings.
One abused woman would never let her children out of her sight. She hoped her power of protection would be enough to keep her kids from ever being hurt. Another abused man never made any decision that might be unpopular with his family. His goal was to live without conflict or failure. Other victims learn to deaden their hearts to the pain, to become compliant, to stay busy, to use intimidation, or to work harder to please those who frighten them.
As understandable as these self-protective efforts are, the truth is that they typically make things worse. The prophet Isaiah saw where self-directed efforts lead. He noted that if we attempt to protect ourselves in the darkness by lighting small “fires” of self-effort instead of relying on God, we will end up tormenting ourselves (see isaiah 50:10-11).
The most natural thing to do when we are lost in the dark is to light a fire. The most natural thing to do when we are hurt, afraid, ashamed, and angry is to think of safety in terms of what has worked for us in the past. But an honest look reveals that these fire-lighting efforts to find life apart from dependency on God don’t work. They are futile means of self-protection that fail us in the end. They should remind us of the proverb that says, “There is a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death” (proverbs 14:12).
Self-protection makes sense in the moment, but we must face the truth that it leads to torment and death. By killing our own feelings, playing tough, or running from the Lord, we turn our fear and anger against ourselves, others, and God.
The only way for us to move out of our anger, distance, and self-protection is to look honestly at what has been done to us and how it continues to bleed into our present relationships. It means prayerfully admitting to God and before others our own inability to protect ourselves from further harm. It means admitting to ourselves that we are not yet who we deeply long to be. These are painful admissions. But facing the truth awakens more hope for real living than will ever be found in the torment of denial.
Finding Comfort by Embracing Sorrow
Sexual-abuse victims often run from comfort the way a cruelly treated dog responds to anyone who tries to befriend it. Fearful of more abuse, the dog gnashes his teeth angrily or runs from anyone who gets too close. It is not running from people as much as it is running from its painful past.
In a similar way, confused and fearful victims are more inclined to impulsively “run or bite” than to face their pain long enough to see where it is coming from. By running from the pain of further betrayal, they run from comfort as well.
Jesus described a better way: “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted” (mattHEW 5:4). He wasn’t talking about just any kind of mourning. He meant that once we have admitted our need of God—“Blessed are the poor in spirit” (v.3)—we must learn to lean into the pain of life and put it to work for us.
Facing pain and embracing sorrow with the expectation of finding comfort feels wrong, but it is the best way to deal with our problems. Learning how and what to grieve is necessary to the healing process. As victims, we need to grieve what has been taken away from us. We need the freedom to feel our lost innocence. We need to mourn our lost childhood and loss of trust. Just as important, we need to mourn the self-reliant actions by which we have tried to protect ourselves from further harm.
It is difficult for victims to stay with sorrow long enough to be changed by it. Most of us would rather be enraged at ourselves or furious at the abuser—or God. We would rather kill our own emotions than grieve the irretrievable loss of our childhood and innocence. We would rather run from God, or even go to war with Him, than give up a self-protective style of relating that is really a desire to be God and live without struggle.
Sorrow over the past is not like crying over spilt milk. It is embracing the sadness of losses that grieve and anger the heart of God. We fail to realize that God’s own sorrow for what has happened is deep and profound. The fact that He didn’t stop the abuse doesn’t reflect a lack of interest or love. When He restrains His wrath and judgment, He is actually hurting, as in the anguish of childbirth, waiting in pain for the right moment to carry out judgment and justice (see isaiah 42:13-14).
If God quickly judged all perpetrators of abuse, His wrath would immediately fall on all of us. No one would escape, because in many different ways, through all of our lives, we have failed to love ourselves, others, and God (see matt. 22:36-37).
To find comfort from the “God of all comfort” and from those who love Him (see 2 cor. 1:3-4), we need to embrace sorrow not only for the wrongs committed against us but for the wrongs we have committed against others. We need to admit that we have been damaged and then ask ourselves how that damage may have distorted our relationships with others and with God.
In an attempt to protect themselves from further pain, many abuse victims have made others as helpless as they once were. Some have set up friends and spouses to experience the same bitter taste of betrayal that they have. Others have chosen either to withhold their sexuality from a spouse and/or handled their ambivalent feelings by promiscuous and unfaithful sexual activity. In any case, most abuse victims keep their hearts hidden and aloof from deep, loving relationship with others. By refusing to be richly involved with others, victims commit a form of robbery that denies to others the heart that God has built within them.
A great tragedy is that many victims become confused in trying to seek forgiveness. As victims, we should never repent for what was done to us. We should not accept responsibility for the actions of our abuser. Nor should we feel a need to ask God’s forgiveness for the damage or the emotions that might have been felt during or after the abuse.
Finding Peace by Choosing Surrender
Healthy sorrow shows us that the real danger does not come from letting others into our heart. Danger occurs when we are like the abused dog that impulsively bites or runs from anyone who gets too close. The same is true of our relationship with God. It’s dangerous to fearfully resist Him. By drawing near to Him, we find safety and life.
Immediately after Jesus said, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted,” He said, “Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth” (matt. 5:5). In other words, those who do not resist and rebel against God are to be envied. Jesus affirms those who surrender to His care and protection.
This is the meek spirit of the prodigal who “sees the light” in the mess of his own choices and broken relationships and turns his heart toward the Father (see luke 15:11- 32). It is the once-rebellious child who returns with no greater request than to be a servant in His Father’s house. This is the submissive attitude that gives a loving Father reason to celebrate.
Even though victims of sexual abuse may turn to Jesus as Savior, they must continually surrender to Him in the circumstances and damage of their emotional turmoil. If we find such surrender difficult, we must consider the One who asks for our trust. He too was a victim. He suffered violation too. He knew what it meant to bear the shame of others. He knew what it meant to be alone, naked, bleeding in the darkness as He pathetically cried, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken Me?” (mark 15:34). No one better understands what it means to suffer under the weight of someone else’s sin. No one better understands what it means to bear someone else’s shame. No one better understands what it meant to suffer in the darkness while God and all of the angels of heaven remained silent.
No one better understands God’s ability to help us than Jesus. Three days after His crucifixion, this victim of our sin rose from the dead to live His life through all who in surrender will trust Him. Infinite good came out of that terrible abuse and darkness. Christ’s suffering brought millions of people into an eternal relationship with His Father. He used His suffering to show that as God the Father comforted Him so the Father can comfort us. He will comfort all who choose to give up their struggle of self-protection and join their Savior in saying, “Yet not my will, but yours be done” (luke 22:42).
Real change takes place through the right kind of sorrow and surrender. That will seem dangerous to anyone who has already felt so much pain. But the risk is an illusion. The process actually awakens in us a God-given passion for life. By bringing an end to wasted struggles, our energy level increases. Coming to a place of strength and personal safety frees us to become concerned about others. As we allow our hearts to be broken by our own pain, we will find ourselves sensitized to the pain of others. It will stir up a desire to see wrongs righted and even evoke a healthy sense of anger (see 2 cor. 7:9-13).
When we are able to mourn to the point of being comforted by God, we find that comfort received turns into comfort given. God will restore the identity, purpose, and passion lost in the seemingly overwhelming feelings of powerlessness, betrayal, and ambivalence of sexual abuse. He will bring lasting peace and genuine comfort to our hurting hearts.
Finding Joy by Pursuing Love
When we are changed through a process of honesty, sorrow, and surrender, we will, over time, experience a desire to love others as God has loved us. After blessing the meek (those submissive before God), Jesus said, “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled” (matt. 5:6). To desire righteousness means to long for restored relationships with God and others. It is another way of saying, “To be envied are those who hunger and thirst to love God. To be congratulated are those who hunger and thirst, not for revenge and solitude but to love others as God has loved them. These are the ones who will be filled with the love and joy and satisfaction of God.”
There is no other path to satisfaction than to long to be able to love as God loves. It means seeing each day not as a challenge to protect ourselves but as an opportunity to see what God can do through us to advance His love in the lives of others.
This willingness to risk involvement with others, however, cannot occur until we accept the principles of truth that Jesus teaches us. Freedom and satisfaction come only as we see the truth of our own spiritual need and our self-protective responses to abuse. Joy comes only as we surrender to the One who suffered for us. Wholeness occurs only when we take the risks necessary to become involved in the loving relationships that God calls us to.
It is this kind of hungering for what is right that compels us to take another look at our enemies. After talking about longing for righteousness, Jesus said, “Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy” (MATT. 5:7). This new freedom to love is possible only when we realize the extent to which we have been forgiven by God. Our sins against God have been worse than any sin committed against us. This is not to minimize those terrible sins against us but to put them in perspective.
Jesus taught that those who love much are those who have a great sense of how much they have been forgiven. But those who think they have been forgiven little offer little love (see luke 7:36-47).
Embracing sorrow over past loss and present self-protection leads to the deepening awe and wonder of being forgiven. If we are forgiven and know a small taste of what it means to return to God the Father, then we will desire for others to enjoy the same forgiveness. The problem is that many Christians mistakenly assume that forgiving someone who has hurt them means no longer feeling pain, anger, or a desire for revenge.
Forgiveness is a necessary part of the change process, but it does not mean that painful memories of the past are wiped away; nor does it mean that a desire for justice is ignored. Nor does forgiveness mean that the victim will not first feel a deep sense of anger and hurt for what has happened. In most cases, real forgiveness cannot even be considered until those who have been abused emerge from the darkness of denial and begin to feel the weight of the wrongs committed against them.
Forgiveness means a willingness and desire to cancel the debt owed to us because of the far greater kindness God has shown. Forgiveness means realizing that the abuser, the non-offending parent(s), and likely many others owe us a debt that could never be repaid in a thousand lifetimes. Yet, in spite of the fact that the debt owed to us is real and enormous, our debt to God is infinite. The price God paid—the life of His own Son to redeem us from our sin—is a gift that can change our perspective toward those who owe us an enormous, but lesser, debt. It is this freedom to love that God desires to share with us.
Miracles still happen. God can enable us to desire mercy for the abuser. The ultimate good is that offenders themselves come to terms with their sin of sexual abuse and experience the power of the cross of Christ to forgive them.
If the person who hurt us is still alive, we can begin to show him the love of Jesus by overcoming evil “with good” (see rom. 12:17-21). This could mean praying for the abuser to be genuinely blessed. It could mean showing unexpected kindness or concern in a way the abuser would not likely show us. It may include drawing firm but gracious boundaries that protect us from being further abused while still leaving the door open for restoration if the abuser takes responsibility for what they did.
Showing love may mean a confrontation of the abuser (see matt. 18:15-17). Loving through confrontation is similar to what happens when a surgeon operates on his patient—literally cutting him with a knife for the purpose of saving the patient’s life. This will temporarily hurt the abuser. It may disrupt his life and cause him to be afraid and angry. But showing love where sexual abuse is concerned is not pretending everything is pleasant and nice. It is a bold offer of restoration and life, which might be accepted or rejected (see 2 cor. 2:15-16). It is a postponement of the legitimate desire for revenge and justice for the sake of seeing the abuser restored to God and eventually to the one he abused.
Hope for You
If you struggle with the damage of sexual abuse, the concepts discussed in this booklet may be too new or confusing. It’s okay. These are not matters to be grasped quickly. Take time to thoughtfully reread and pray over what you have read. Ask a friend to read the booklet with you and talk about what makes sense and what does not seem clear. Go slowly and give yourself permission to reflect on what has happened to you. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself a significant period of time to explore and struggle with how the damage of sexual abuse is being played out in your primary relationships today. Growth and change will come in time.
Some of you might wonder if you could ever go through the process described in these pages. Others might ask, “Why should I go through all that pain when I am relatively happy today?”
The answer for both is clear. God will meet you in the painful details of your abuse with His gracious and kind presence. He will invite you to discover the joy of what He can do in you and through you for His kingdom that will make this hard walk deeply worthwhile.
